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July 17th, 2004

10:10 am - It's all money son Well yesterday was pretty cool. Even though my plans to being in San Pedro didn't work out. The girl broke her ankle and she cant walk. Sucks to be her. I wsa supposed to go to lunch with Spetember but she had to work at 2 pm :'(. So my plans were basically get screwed up for most of the day. Then Haley and September came to my rescue and asked if I wanted to hang out with them. Super Sweetness :). Haley and I waited for September to get off so we talked and went to my house until we needed to get September. Haley saw Lucas half naked...again lol. (Damnit Lucas put a shirt on lol). We got September at 9 and went to eat dinner, I treated them to dinner because that's how I am. I'm nice, even super nice :). After dinner, we ended up going to 7-11 and I got the alcohol :) and drank at Septembers for a bit until I had to go home. We were dancing and rocking out in the car for a bit as well. We drove down the streets bumping Jay-Z - Dirt off your shoulders and we were all singing. Dude it's was all money son hahahaha. I had a wine cooler before I left, I wanted another one, but I had to drive home :'(. Then Justin called me and see how everything was going. Busy people, busy people. I got my new gamecube a couple of days ago, it's sweet, I finally play games again hahahaha.... Anyway, I'll stop for now, update sometime later....later people. It's all money son :). Current Mood: bouncy Current Music: Iron Maiden - Hallowed Be Thy Name

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July 15th, 2004

10:16 am - Never meant to fade away Why does life have to suck so badly? I don't know. I guess I'm just a waste of time and space to anyone that I'm with. I don't know what to think anymore. I'm nothing, I'm just nothing. Right now I'm in tears. I'm crying. I'll just die away and no one would even give a damn. I feel like I've been pushed away from everybody, everybody that I ever loved. Why does it always happen to me? I'm a nice guy, but I guess I'm the type of person who gets treated like crap, then thrown to the curb once they are done with me. I'm 21 years old, with nothing. I still live at home with my parents, which is absolutely miserable, my bro is sick and close to dying, my grandma is having bypass surgery friday i think. So it's pretty miserable for me right now. I just have a dark could over my head. Makes me want to drink, and drink until I die. I did it once already and it wasn't fun for the people who had to carry me to a car and drive me home. I'm fucking heart broken again and I don't know if I'll ever recover. Why me? Why do I have to get hurt constantly? To close heres a song to describe how I feel: Staind - Fade I try to breathe Memories overtaking me I try to face them but The thought is too much to conceive I only know that I can change Everything else just stays the same So now I step out of the darkness that my life became 'cause I just needed someone to talk to You were just to busy with yourself You were never there for me To express how I felt I just stuffed it down Now I'm older and I feel like I could let some of this anger fade But it seems the surface I am scratching Is the bed that I have made So where were you? When all this I was going through You never took the time To ask me just what you could do I only know that I can change Everything else just stays the same So now I step out of the darkness that my life became 'cause I just needed someone to talk to You were just to busy with yourself You were never there for me To express how I felt I just stuffed it down Now I'm older and I feel like I could let some of this anger fade But it seems the surface I am scratching Is the bed that I have made I never meant to fade... Away I NEVER MEANT TO FADE I just needed someone to talk to You were just to busy with yourself You were never there for me To express how I felt I just stuffed it down Now I'm older and I feel like I could let some of this anger fade But it seems the surface I am scratching Is the bed that I have made I try to breathe... Current Mood: depressed Current Music: Staind - Fade

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July 14th, 2004

10:28 am - So empty I don't know what I'm feeling like right. I mean I cried last night, so basically I cried myself to sleep. I guess it's better than drinking myself to sleep. My emotions are taking over me. It's not the first time. It's happen to me many times in the past. It hurts me. I've almost come close to doing something that I thought I would never think about doing, but somehow, someway, I've managed to stop myself. I already came close to doing it, I had the marking on my chest and my arm from holding it there for a long time. I just wanted to do it, but I couldn't. My parents haven't stopped bugging me, they just make me feel like crap even more. It's hard to hold everything inside and hide it away from the people I love. It's the beginning of the 6th year of everything that has everything here for my family. I don't know what's going to happen, sometimes I don't think anyone even cares that I even exist. If I ran away, would anyone come after me? I've thought about before, but I don't know, I'm just sad and unhappy right now. Anyways, that's all for now, I don't know what else to say, I do miss laura, I really do, but I don't know what's going to happen. Current Mood: depressed Current Music: Staind - Fade

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July 13th, 2004

09:17 pm - Depressed #3 Well, I guess I'm still here because I'm writing here. These pass few days have been really rough for me. I've drank for the past 4 days straight. I've just had a rough time. My feelings right now are still the same. I still care about her, but I don't know what her feelings are for me. I guess I'll never find out. I saw her on monday because she needed a ride to school, so I did. It was hard for me because I really love her, but I don't know what her feelings are. After getting her to school, she kissed my cheek and went to her practice. After that,I cried and cried at home. It still hurts. Anyways, I had school today which sucked. Lucas moved back home which is cool because I have someone to talk to if I need to talk privately about my stuff, as well as September and Haley. I hung out with September and Haley for a bit today after September got off work. We ended up watching Sick & Twisted and talked for a bit. They liked my room and my 2 older bros of course. We talked about stuff, just stuff about how I feel, what's going through my head, etc. Basically I guess they were making sure that I was ok. Another thing, after everything that has happened, I managed to get hold of a friend that I haven't talked to in about 2 years. She remembers me when I dated Ashley and hates her guts as much as I do now. She invited me to go to a show in San Pedro on Friday, so I'm tagging along with her and her sister to San Pedro for a show. I hope it will be fun, but I don't know, I guess I'll have to wait and find out for myself. Sometimes I feel so alone, all alone in my room, crying, thinking, wishing that the pain would end, wishing that I wasn't alone, wishing that nothing bad will ever happen to me, wishing that I was cool and popular like everyone else, but I know I can't have any of it. I'm so lost, hurt, depressed, and miserable as I was 5 years ago. To close this entry, I have one wish and one wish only. I don't know if I should say it here. I don't know who I am anymore, I feel so empty. So I'm gonna go now, I need to think about what's gonna happen to me. Later people. Current Mood: sad Current Music: Staind - Fade

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July 11th, 2004

11:23 am - :( Well, this might be my last entry that because hardly anyone comments and I'm upset. I don't know what to think anymore. I love Laura so much, but so far I havent heard from her. I guess she's working stuff out. So now, I might not right here anymore. So basically what I'm saying is, why should i even bother writing here? It feels like no one cares. So I better go, cause I don't know if my life is going to get better, cause I find out something today that I feared for. So bye ppl. Current Mood: sad Current Music: Linkin Park - Pushing Me Away, AFI - The Leaving Song Part 2

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July 9th, 2004

07:50 pm - Laura Well, even though I'm scared, sad, miserable, and so on. I decided to write her. My day has completely sucked. Last night I drank and was going to out. My dad caught me drinking and bitched at me. Today it was the same thing. My brother's friend nicole picked me up and took me out for lunch and tried to cheer me up, it didn't really help at all. All I thought about was Laura, the one person I love the most. I've cried most of the day. I'm really scared. I know I can't talk to her. She doesn't want me around. She wants to be alone :'(. I love her so much. Laura, if you do read this, I love you so much. I know your still hurting. I'm hurting too. I'm just as scared as you are. I love you with all my heart and soul. You've always made me happy. I'm glad to have you as my girlfriend. I worry about you too. I always do. I really care about you. I love you :-*. I'm glad your in my life. I will never leave you because I love you so much. Since I can't talk to you, I decided to tell you how I feel here. Laura, if you do decide to read my journal. I love you so much. I'm still hurting and I'm just as scared as you are. I always worry about you. I really care about you Laura. I'm glad to have you as my girlfriend.  You've always made me happy. I really miss you. Even though I'm in tears and crying, I'm just trying to tell you how I feel. I love you with all my heart and soul. My love for you is strong and will always be strong. I love you so much. I'm just scared. I'm always scared,I really care about you. Please babe, I love you. I'm scared you will leave me, and that what's scaring me. I love you so much Laura, I can't never resist your smile, your charm, and all the good qualities in you. I love everything about you. I love you. This is the only way to tell you how I feel since I can't talk to you. Laura, I love you, I'll never leave you. I love you too much. I know you already saw that pic. I made it because I love you. Since it wont show on here click the box and it will pop up. Laura, your my love, I love you so much. I cried last night too, I love you. Everytime you hurt, I hurt. I don't to see you hurt anymore. I love you Laura. I hope you feel better. Love, from your boyfriend, Ian Current Mood: I miss you Current Music: Janet Jackson - Runaway

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July 8th, 2004

08:55 pm - ..... Well, right now I'm not feeling well. I only slept 4 hours last night. The last couple of days have been rough for me. Right now, I'm sad. I'm sad because 1) I don't feel good, 2) my back is causing me major pain, 3) my parents have been giving me a hard time at home, and 4) feels like my g/f laura is mad at me. So I have nothing to do tonight, I'm just here thinking about how much I love laura and that I wish she could be here to comfort me. So I'm just drinking a beer since I'm sad. I don't know...right now I feel like nothing, like a absolute nobody. I love Laura so much. I really do. I always worry about her as she worries about me. I really miss her right now. I really wanted to take her out tonight, but she didn't want to go out, but its ok cause I love her. I want to take her somewhere special. If anyone can help me, please help me. Anyway, I'm staying home for right now. Laura, I love you, please call me if you do read my journal. I love you so much :-*. Current Mood: I miss Laura Current Music: Staind - Fade

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July 5th, 2004

11:47 pm - Dude and Sweetness Well, I know my title for this entry isn't the greatest, is it? Sorry if this update might be short because right now my back is fucking hurting and I'm a little sleepy. Anyways, let me get to the update: July 4th: Well, it was fucking sweet. I mean I had a fucking blast. It was Me, my lovely g/f Laura (I love you baby), Danny, September, Stephanie, Hayley, and some other dude that I don't remember how to pronounce his name. We ended up going to Hermosa for a bit then getting all the stuff ready for the 4th. We ended up staying somewhere in Culver City for the night cause I was drinking and stuff. Anyway, we had lots of fun. I really enjoyed it. Laura made it fun for me :) along with everybody else. I did drink on the 4th. I had about 3 wine coolers and 1 smiroff with Danny and Laura. Yummy, they were pretty good :). Then my back started giving me problems as usually. I was in constant pain for about a couple of hours, then I later passed out next to Laura. I didn't pass out until about 3 am I think, but I don't really care because I had Laura next to me. I love her so much :). July 5th: Well, we ended up going to Venice Beach for most of the day. We walked around for about 2 to 3 hours talking and watching people get piercings and tattoo's. Hmmm...I was thinking if I should get one, but I don't know if it will look good on me. Usually I don't look good in anything. Then I took the girls home and took Laura back to my house, where we ended up seeing Spider-Man 2. It was a kick ass movie, I wanna see the 3rd one soooooooo badly. Thank god we saw that movie instead of White Chicks. Anyway, to wrap things up, 1) I hate my fucking grandmother, I hate it when I in & out and I come home and finding her ass in my face for going out and having fun and making me feel like shit. I hate that so much I almost yelled at her, but I just walked out and left. 2) I hate the pain that I'm dealing with in my back. It constantly hurts me and it's really getting on my nerves. 3) My ex has been trying to talk to me recently, even though I don't wanna talk to her. I mean I heard she was talking shit about me and I'm just minding my own damn business. Anyway, I'm just holding my ground and not doing anything because I'm a nice person. I love Laura so much. She made the 4th of July better. I mean, last year I didn't really do anything. I just watched fireworks and went home (that's some boring shit), but we ended up having fun and stuff. Together and stuff I love it. I love you baby, thanks for the best 4th of July :). I love you so much baby. We had so much fun. I wanna do it again :). I miss you right now, wish you could have stand longer. Anyway, thats my update, I'm gonna get ready for bed, call laura and fall asleep. See y'all later. Later peoples. Current Mood: missing laura Current Music: Toby Keith - Whiskey Girl

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July 2nd, 2004

12:54 pm - I don't know.... Well, I'm writing this from Laura's house right now. We went to breakfast earlier this morning, which was good. I love being with her. She makes me so happy. I love her so much. Sorry for not updating because I haven't been myself lately. I started summer school on monday :(. I hate it already. It's boring and all I do is just sit there and take notes. BORING!!!! Anyway, the week has been ok I guess: My back is getting better I think. The pain as reduced which is good, but sometimes it comes at random times :'(. I mean I just wish it would end so I wouldn't have to deal with the pain. Well I was with September, Stephanie, and Laura 2 days ago and we were all having fun until I snapped (well I managed to hold it in until the next day, but in result of that, I couldn't control my emotions and I cried alone). I cried because just somethings that night brought back bad memories that happened to me long ago with my ex. I couldn't take it. I love laura so much. I really do. I felt bad after when I got mad and all, so I got her two little flowers :). Then we went back to my home for a bit and watched Scary Movie 2. Sometimes I think too much. I don't know why. Sometimes I get scared because I feel like people will abandon me like in the past. It's happened to me before and it really hurt me. I just trying to get my feelings out so I can be happy around people, including the one person that I love the most, which is Laura. I don't want to end up being like her ex-boyfriend and that will not happen. I don't want to be the person that I was last year, who was depressed, suicidal, pissed off at the world and so on, but sometimes he hits me so hard that it comes back. I love Laura so much, I don't want to ever hurt her. I love her :-*. Laura, I love you, I also worry about you sometimes. You mean everything to me. I love you :-*. Well, I'll have another update sometime later or within the next couple of days. Bye for now. Current Mood: missing laura, frustrated Current Music: Toby Keith - Whiskey Girl

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June 29th, 2004

07:34 pm - Missing Laura Right Now Well, I'm just waiting for Laura to get off work. She lost her apron and was all upset, I tried to help find it, but I was shit out of luck :'(. I miss her right now, but I will see her when we have dinner :). Anyway, my day was ok. I had school in the morning then I went to see my baby :). She was really tired and she still couldn't find her apron, so we cuddle and watched some tv for a while. Then I took her and stef to their practices. My back as been bugging me. Well the good news is that I don't have any infections, according to my doctor. It's means I'm fine and clean. It just gives off a sharp pain along my lower back. So now I'm using a heating pad to keep the pain down along with Vioxx that I'm taking. Anyway, I didn't find Laura's apron :'(. I know she's really upset about it. I don't want her to be upset. I want her to be happy. I love her so much :). I know she wasn't feeling well today. I mean, I want to take care of her. I really want to. I don't care if my back is causing me pain, I want to take care of her. I love her so much, I never want to leave her side, I always want to hold her close to me cause I love her that much. I love her, she loves me, I belong to her :). I miss her soooooooooooo much right now. I'm also hungry lol. Anyway, I'm bored right now, I'll just got my stuff ready for tomorrow so I don't to do it when I get home later tonight. So anyway, i'll update later....later peoples Current Mood: missing laura Current Music: Queen - Somebody To Love

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June 28th, 2004

09:00 pm - Hmm...People Talking Shit Again Well, I had my first day of summer school today. It was ok, my teacher's english isn't all that great, so I have to work with it. Anyways, I saw Laura most of the day, which was good :). I called my doctor today to see about my blood test. He said I'm perfectly fine. YES!!!!! I guess it's a muscle in my back I messed up :'(. So now I have to use a heating pad to calm the pain down, even though some of the pain is still there. I wish Laura could be here to take care of me (that's if she wanted to). I finally got all my grades for the Spring Semester. I mean I did ok, but to my dad, it's terrible. I got a 2.4 (4 C's and 1 A). It dropped my GPA to 2.86, now he's freaking out about the whole insurance deal (my dad is somewhat of an idiot and stupid sometimes). Well, 4th of July is around the corner. I'm gonna be with Laura on the 4th of July. We are gonna be with Joe and Courtney for her birthday bash they have planned (I bet they will ask me to get the alcohol, of course since I'm 21 and all, I'm the "main" alcohol supplier to some people now). Anyway, this sunday, 4th of July will be great :). I know where Lucas will be, drinking out with his bro-friends and the girls (of course, who wouldn't have guessed, hey Lucas, what about those size 7 jeans you were in on saturday night? HAHAHAHA!!!) Well, My day was good and all until now. I'm pissed, no wait, more like fucking pissed. I found out that my ex is saying that I gave her a virus on her hard drive and threats?. What The Fuck!!!!! Why would I do that? I'm not like that, I would never do such a thing. Since my ex loves to read my journal and check up on me, she'll would read this: I don't want to talk to you, leave me the hell alone, I can't believe you would spread something like that around...what the hell did I ever to do you? I haven't done anything towards you because I don't go around talking shit about anything or anybody including you. So until I find out on what's going on, I don't want to speak to you. Since I just let out my anger, let me continue on: Anyway, I'm talking to Laura right now. I miss her so much right now. Wish she could come over right now. When she gets her car, it will be all money :). I know her car will definitly be better than mine lol. My car is crappy (well I wonder why lol). Anyway, I love her soooooooooooooo much, I want to be with her right now. I really do, I didn't want to leave today, but she had practice today. I met one of her drill team captains today and she thinks I'm cool today, which is a good thing :). So I'm gonna go talk to Laura, plan out the week, and make sure that 4th of July go out good :). I love her so much I want it to be special for the both of us. I love you baby :-*, would you like some more flowers or candy? :). Anyway, later people!!!! Current Mood: missing laura Current Music: Cold - Suffocate

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June 27th, 2004

11:10 pm - Laura Came Home Today Laura came home today. I missed her so much. She was tired from the long trip home. I know she's going back up there for next year for 6 weeks. I don't know what I'll be doing, but probably just summer school so I can be done with school. Anyway, this how the day went: I didn't get home until 3:15 am this morning because Lucas, Mike, Larsen, Brian and myself were in Ponoma for a birthday party for Jeff's little brother who turned 21 on the same day as me. Gee, well my plans got screwed because we didn't go to Fred's but it doesn't matter anymore. I didn't sleep well because I felt bad when Laura got mad. I'm sorry baby :-*. Please forgive me. I love you so much :-*. Anyway, the doctor has put me on anti-flammontary meds because of my back. I hate the pain. It really sucks ass. I can't stand it, but I have to fight it for a while until I get checked up again. Well I start summer school tomorrow at 8 am until 10 am for the next 6 weeks. Well it will knock out one of my classes I would have been taken in the Fall '04 school year, so now I'll only have to take 3 :). What a relief, 3 classes Monday-Thursday, no school Friday's, 3 day weekends :). Well, I'm tired right now. I hardly slept last night because I was worried that Laura wasn't gonna forgive me. I missed her so much. I surprised her with flowers, her favorite candy, a poem (if she hasn't read it yet), and pictures of me (I don't know if I looked good or not). She loved the flowers and the candy :). It was worth it. Anyway, my back is killing me right now, I have my stuff ready for tomorrow. I just need to get into my pj's, call Laura and hit the bed. Later people!!! Nighty nighty. Current Mood: happy & missing Laura Current Music: Amy Grant - Galileo

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June 25th, 2004

01:44 pm - My Birthday was Yesterday Wow, yesterday was fucking sweet. I had my birthday yesterday. The big 21 for me now. I feel so old. Well I'll tell you how the day went: First, September said happy birthday to me at 12 am thursday morning. Then Stephanie wish me a happy birthday. Then Laura called me to wish me a happy birthday. I love her so much. I wish she could have been here to celebrate it with me. Basically everybody wished me a happy birthday. Thanks guys and girls, I really appreciated it. Then Stephanie brought me lunch cause it was my birthday and I thank her for that. Second, my friend Joseph and his g/f finally had their kid. June 24th, 2004, at 2:40 pm, Brooke was born at little company of mary. I was the first person to see the kid. Cute little kid, weighing at 8 lbs and 9 ounces. Big baby, but cute. So basically I share my birthday with Brooke and I'm referred as "Uncle Ian" right now hahaha. Third, then I went over to my friend's house last night. Danny called me and told me that James was throwing a kick back with some people that I haven't seen in a while. Danny told everybody that it was my birthday and so they give me a half a pitcher of barcardi 151 as a birthday toast and shot. Everybody was like damn, go ian lol. What, you people think I couldn't do it. I just prove you people wrong right :-P. Anyway, I ended up getting so drunk, my dad and my bro Joel ended up getting me. I don't even remember what happened at home until my parents told me the next morning. Well at least I know what I've like when I'm drunk. Anyway, I learned my lesson the next morning. Never mix drinks, I know what they did to me. Made me puke alot this morning :'(. In other words, I ended up getting sick :(. I would like to thank everybody who made my 21st birthday the best ever. I really appreciate it. You guys and girls are the greatest. Anyway, I Love Laura so much. She called on my birthday and wished me a happy birthday. I love her so much. Thanks babe, your the greatest. I'm glad I have her in my life. She supports me whenever I need it. I love you :-*. I'll also like to say that I'm sorry when I got depressed in for you, I'm really sorry. I hope you can forgive me for that. I love you so much baby :-*, you mean everything to me. I don't wanna ever make you sad again, I felt bad afterwards and I just want to hold you and kiss you when you get back from Shasta. Anyway, I'm just relaxing today and I'll be home most of the day, so I'll update sometime later. Later people!! Current Mood: I miss Laura Current Music: Toby Keith - Whiskey Girl

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June 24th, 2004

12:00 am - Happy Birthday to me HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!!, I'm officially 21 people :). Current Mood: missing laura Current Music: Toby Keith - Whiskey Girl

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June 22nd, 2004

07:30 pm - Missing Laura Day 3 Well I worked today. I had 9 am and a 4 pm appointments today and bring in $193 total, which $38.60 will come to me. Not a lot though :'(. Last night was cool. I hung out with Joe and Courtney, then we went to see Mike, our friend in Palos Verdes who we haven't seen in such a lot time. We had some major fun, played 50 games of Soul Caliber 2 and talked. Anyway, I'll tell you how my day went: My day wasn't ok. It just plain sucked. I mean I woke up looking like crap. I tell my mom about my pain and she FUCKING REFUSES to even listen. It took me about 20 minutes to get me the number, but she hasn't given it to me :'(. My entire body is in pain. My head hurts, my back hurts the most and I can't stand it anymore. I wish Laura was here to make me feel better, she's good at doing that. 24 hours from now, I'll be 21. The big 21. It's cool I guess, but I'll be here in my room just drink by myself. I will be celebrating it by myself as I've been in the past. I mean, this isn't my first birthday alone. Most of my teenage years I celebrated my birthday by myself. Then saturday I'll be heading to Fred's with Lucas and his friends and just drink the night away. I miss Laura so much right now. I really miss her. She is my world. I hope she calls me tonight. I hope she calls on my birthday. I love her so much. I'm gonna get her something when she comes back. I might even surprise her :). Anyway, right now I'm not feeling so good. My body hurts, I'm crying, bad headache, and so on. I'm just gonna stay here at home tonight. Later people. Current Mood: missing laura Current Music: Toby Keith - Whiskey Girl, Stand - Fade

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June 21st, 2004

06:16 pm - Missing Laura Day 2 Well, I didn't hear from Laura this morning. I know she is doing stuff and that's cool. My day has been ok I guess. My back has been bugging me and my mom still hasn't called the doctor to get me in and get myself checked up. I miss Laura so much :'(. Well I actually worked for the 1st time Friday. Then Monday and I made about $60 within the hour(selling over $300 in a hour), super sweetness :). Tomorrow I have to see 2 people and try to make them buy stuff from me and I hope they do. I need the money :). Then I met up with one person on Wednesday. Then Thursday, no work cause I'm 21!!!! I'll probably celebrate it by myself since I know most of my friends will be working. So I'll toast myself to some beer in my room and and drink as much as possible. I ended up going to Chuck E Cheese last night with Justin and we played Triple Jam for about 2 hours. We were tied 1-1 when they shut off the games. I was about to win too. Damn them. Anyway, we are going to go back sometime this week to find out who will win. We talked to Stephanie while we were there, I bought some promo cups from her to help her in a contest they are having. Well, I'll buy some more soon :). She was cool, she gave us free stuff. Thanks Stephanie :). Laura won't be back until Sunday :'(. I've been thinking to get her something to surprise her. Maybe flowers? candy? I need some ideas, but I need some more ideas. Can anyone help me? I really wanted make her feel really special when she gets back. I love her so much :-*. Nothing much happened today. Just a boring day, sitting in my room, drinking water, and thinking a lot about Laura. I wish she could be here holding me telling me that everything will be ok with my brother. I actually watched him being feed by a feeding tube and I couldn't watch it. I nearly cried. Well, this is my update for today, I'm gonna go see Joe and Courtney and hang with them for a while. Then I work in the morning and late afternoon. Later peoples. Current Mood: Frustrated Current Music: Linkin Park - Pushing Me Away

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June 20th, 2004

12:07 am - Missing Laura Well, right now I'm missing Laura :'(. I nearly cried. Anyway, let me tell you about today: I waited for Laura because she was getting her finger and toe nails done today with her mom. Then I went over to her house and she dyed her red a dark reddish color, which she looked sexy in. I was like...WOW!!!!! I'll be doing my hair when she's on her houseboating trip. In 4 days it is my 21st b-day, but I'll be celebrating it alone this year because Laura will be gone. So I'll just get a couple of drinks and bring them to my room and just wish myself a happy birthday :'(. Then we got September to hang out with us because she got her heart broken by some guy who moved away. We went to Del Amo Mall and walked around for a bit. Then Laura got her Father's Day gift and I ended getting my Father's Day gift as well. I got him LOTR: The Return of the King. While I was at Best Buy, I saw Samantha, one of Ashley's little friends. I don't know if she recognized me but if she would have said something to me, trust me, I would have some words to say to her. Then Laura and I went to my house and cuddled until 6:45 pm and then baby sat Hayley and Alan and watch Ghost. I stayed until 10:30 pm and came home, bored, lonely :(. Laura's gonna be gone for a week :'(. Well I'm not gonna be going anywhere, I'm just gonna stay home and be by myself for the week I guess. I mean, I wish she could be here on my b-day, then again, I would be ruining her plans, which I don't want to do. I love Laura so much. I cried a little on the way home. I mean I'm in pain still. It just comes at random times. I'll miss Laura, I''ll really miss her. I hope she won't forget to call me on my bday. I love Laura, I really love her, I wish I could go with her. I love you baby :-*. Well I better get into bed, call Laura, and fall asleep. Nighty nite. Current Mood: missing laura Current Music: Arvil Lavigne - Take Me Away

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June 17th, 2004

08:08 pm - Today was great, Ty's update part 2 Well, it was Laura's last day of school. YAY!!! she's gonna be a senior next year school. As for me, I'll be junior status. I'm trying to get out within a year and a half so I can get school over with. Anyway, about today: Picked up Laura from school :). Then we went back to her house to think of where to eat since Souplantation was packed and busy. She decided we should go to the Local Place, which is King Hawaiian but like McDonalds sort of. It was so FUCKING good there. MMMMMMM food hehe. It was really good there, I'm going there again. She mentioned to me that I was better than Everett. I really appreciated that. It made me blush and smile :). I'm glad that she thinks that I'm better than Everett because of couple of reason (in my own opinion): 1) I treat her with respect. 2) I enjoy spending time with her and her family. 3) I don't get mad as easily as he did. 4) I'm mentally stable. 5) I'm cooler than him. 6) I'm there when she needs me, especially when I pick her up from school :). 7) I actually EAT something lol. 8) The last but least, I really love her. She made me a thing for my keychain. I loved it. I felt bad because I didn't give her anything :'(. You know what that means, that means I have to get something for her :). She gave me a little card too. I love it. She shows that she really cares about me. After eatting at the Local Place, we watched Welcome to Mooseport, I laughed so much. I really enjoyed it. After that I took Laura and Stephanie to work. Laura was mad because she felt like I was being used as a "taxi service" and Stephanie got pissed because her dad was being lazy. So both of them actually agreed that it was wrong, but hey I scored some brownie points today I hope lol. But hey I would do anything to help them out cause they are nice wonderful people. I do things for Laura and I feel good about it. Well you can say that I'm paying society back for what they did for my family when Ty first got sick. I enjoyed my 1 month anniversary with Laura. I love her so much. If anyone hurt her, all hell would break loose and they would be hell to pay. I'll put my life on the line for her. I've already lived my life, and I'll be damned if I'll let anyone mess up Laura's life. Anyway, I love Laura so much. I miss her as we speak. She had to work tonight, so should I surprise her? Hmmm....maybe I should :). I talked to my mom this morning and found out that they are keeping Ty until tomorrow. She didn't give me a reason why, but I guess it's for the best for now. With the surgery over and done with, I'm still trying to figure out how much time he has left. I don't know and I'll probably never find out. My mom told me a while back that he could by gone by August, but I don't know, it could be longer or shorter, depending on his condition. Lucas is moving to Huntington Harbor in July, I have to check out his bachlor pad he's gonna be living in hahaha. 6 days tomorrow is my 21st birthday. Just reminding people who is interested. Anyway, that's all for now. I have to do couple of things and I'll wait for Laura to call me and hop into bed because I have to go to my mom's friends house for my presentation at 10 am. Later people. P.S. BOOYAH ACHIEVED!!!! (hahaha, yes I'm weird lol). Current Mood: happy & missing Laura Current Music: Queen - Somebody To Love

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June 16th, 2004

09:45 pm - Ty's Update If anybody read my journal, my brother Ty had his stomach surgery earlier this afternoon. He is doing ok I guess. As usual, they don't give me any details about what's going on. I was there for about 1-2 hours. I managed to hold back the emotions from my parents cause they didn't want my parents on my ass for anything. I mean I had my grandma on my ass earlier because I was going to see Ty tonight instead of Thursday. Well Thursday is reserved my one month with Laura, there is no chance in hell I going to go to long beach on my anniversary. So I decided to go tonight. Most of my day sucked, well thats because I wasn't really in the best of moods. I cried and cried earlier this morning. I didn't tell Laura that because she was sort of stressed out today, I didn't want to be a burden. When I saw her today, I broke down and I cried in her arms. I cried and I cried like a little boy. I looked like shit, I looked like shit for most of the day anyway. Sometimes I can't take the pain, and sometimes I can, but I just couldn't take it. I wish it would just fucking stop already. It hurts me everyday of my life and I have to hide it so I don't hurt anyone that I love or care about. I was with Laura most of the day and she held me and held me when I cried. I thank her for that (I love you babe :-* ). Then I picked up Joe and Courtney and dropped them off at home and I took Laura back to my place for a bit. She made me feel a little better. I wished she could have came with me, but it's ok. I want her to do good on her finals. Tomorrow is her last day and she'll be a senior. One year of high school left for her, and 1 1/2 for me. I'm gonna try to get done faster, which means I have to take every semester and not skip any of them. I will get done quicker so I can be with her. Graduate school for me maybe? I don't know. Tomorrow is our 1 month. I'm excited about that. Souplatation hmmmmmmm, food, plenty of food yummy!! Dude I'll be snacking on the food there. It's good :). Oh I was blabbling about food sorry lol. Anyway, I miss Laura right now. I felt a little depressed today and she was there today. I love you so much baby :-*. We'll have fun tomorrow :). Anyway, I'll update tomorrow on my bro's condition if anyone is interested...i'll wait for Laura to call me and then i'll go to bed and do some stuff in the morning...nighty night. Current Mood: sad, missing laura :'( Current Music: Queen - Somebody To Love

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June 15th, 2004

09:53 pm - Wonderful Day...along with I hate my parents Today was a wonderful day. But I'll start off with the bad news. My grandmother told me this morning that my brother Ty was having his stomach surgery tomorrow morning. WHAT THE HELL, and my parents wonder why I fucking hate them so much. I hate them so much because they refuse and don't bother telling me anything at all. I met up with my manager today, he wants me to be a sales leader for the summer. Hmmmm, could I be one? I don't know if I can. I have a bunch of family shit going on in my fucking life and I HATE MY FUCKING PARENTS!!!!!!!!!! Anyway, onto the good stuff. I was with Laura today :). We were driving along Del Amo Blvd. today and we ended up seeing Everett along with his little friends Mikey and his little girlfriend Misty. I don't know if they notice us, but we saw them and I wanted to do something but Laura stop me. Instead I just smoked down Praire while they got stuck in traffic. All I have to say is...HAHAHAHA slow ass driver lol. Then we were at Laura's most of the day, we watched Big Fish, I nearly cried because they had a funeral scene and I thought about when I have to go through with that. I held back the tears so that I wouldn't worry anybody including Laura. Then we cuddle for about 3 hours and she fell asleep on me and I held her in my arms :). Then we ended up watching the Lakers lose. I told my mom that they would lose. I was actting like my mom today when the Lakers were playing. I was actually yelling at the damn TV. At half-time we got Little Caesar Pizza for $5 and some crazy bread. I ate most of the pizza :). Then Laura and I cuddle in a blanket for the rest of the night. I loved it :). Our one month anniversary is this Thursday and we are going to souplantion :). I love that place. Then she has to work from 5-10 and I actuallly work on Friday at 10 am so far. I have to get more people to get a lot of money. 8 days tomorrow is my birthday. YAY!!!! I'm excited. 21, my teen years will be over. I'll be fully legal. I never had my teen years, but I have to deal with it. Right now I miss Laura. I felt bad because I was pissed off at my parents for not telling me that Ty was having his surgery tomorrow. Instead my grandmother was the one who tell me. I love you Laura :-*. I didn;t want to leave your house, wish I could have hide in your closet :). I love you and miss you right now Laura, I just wanna hold you right now and tell me that everything will be ok. Well I'll stop there for now. I'll call Laura now and hop into bed. Nighty night people. Current Mood: hate parents and missing Laura Current Music: Arvil Lavigne - Take Me Away

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